Relief and maybe not.

It has been so long nobody ever reads this blog hahahaha.

This blog's existence is forgotten by people and even by myself too.

Sometimes in life, people tend to forget that life is happening, we forget our existence as we forget existence of others. Sometimes you are swimming in the sea of life, but you are drowned by it without realising. There are waves of changes, one after another, washing away bit by bit parts of yourself. There are storms that come unexpectedly to bring you the sudden splashes and painful lightnings, to give a lesson or a ruthless reminder. Sometimes life slaps you in the face like how the waves crashes the rocks. The one thing is, there's nothing that we do that changes it.

So being 17 means SPM is the most ( kinda ) important thing at the moment. It kinda ends already, today ( Biology paper foooyohh) ( hahahaha junwen says bye-logy)(hahahaahhaha)  although 华文 is on next Monday! Please forgive me lord Chinese is so hard it makes people wanna give up T-T but the truth is.... there is more than that which seriously makes me feel like it's the end of my life. Yes yes all adults say that life is harder and harder just move on just get over it! But thinking of NS is a nightmare itself. A lot people said its not a bad thing its a good experience blah blah. Well it's not the place or having to meet new people, get used to the new life, dealing wih marching and all that really scares me but honestly having to leave the loved ones for such a long time is what kills me inside  :'(

We have been waiting for spm for so long just to reunite for a last time before really parting ways as some are going overseas, and we are all most likely to be in different college, different places, further way from each other for years. Its not about a few days we dont see each other but a few months at least because from what i see on our seniors, its not easy to squeeze time and spend it with the best people after entering college or uni. It is the only time after spm we get to really really make it worth but too bad i got selected and i have to miss the best parts of life. I miss the events for 3 months, but i am missing the people for at least a year. After all, we have no idea when will be our next time to be together. Sigh it really breaks my heart to know that i will be missing these people :(

Am i too weak that i cant accept the fact that i must go for NS? Or what hahaha? Its the feeling of unwillingness to leave people hahaa kinda hate having emotions sometimes. Weeeee so here i am being a kid pls im not 18 yet and im just a kid i complain and i whine and i cry and i be a human sometimes! Sorry man am just so scared and worried.

And i havent get my driving license yet! Great hahaha am i fated to never pass the driving test like spongebob hahaa  cant believe i alr have 3 renewed LDL and 0 CDL or at least P license hahaa how to drive to college like that alamak! Worse part is after spm is good time to learn more driving and actually get license after driving test, but if NS ah hahaha next year or forever ends only get la driving license :X

So many plans for post SPM kinda being ruined by NS ok i havent go la but come on if not post spm when else in life can do all the worthwhile stuff before being an adult! Not much more already!

Omg thinking of being an adult is worse hahah 18 already have to be mature!no more being long-winded, lame ,stupid, short, "innocent" person :(  have to be responsible and stuff -_-

Come to think of it im actually pretty much a useless person haha people alr figured out what to do and have  direction in life and stuff, but im still drowning being lost around. All my life i have been playing around not knowing one day i have to choose one pathway and how one choice can affect the rest of my life.  17 now ans not knowing how to socialize, or use the bank service, or how to actually wash clothes by hand, or house chores hahaa how to survive walao. 17 now and i procrastinate all the time, cant prioritize, dont know how to act in most situations, dont know how treat people properly, suck at maintaining a relationship (friendship, family-ship, etc), basically im very fail hahaha dont learn from me please.

Reaching here this post just gets more and more long winded and boring and pointless hahaah.

Like my lifeeeeeee pointless hahaah wee useless metaphors again!

And avoiding reality, im good at it , can go on YouTube for hours, watching videos of what i want to do or have but not using real life useful actions to achieve, just fantasize and having a bigger craving. In the end find the shortcut it works. So lately non stop watching baking videos, zalfie videos, a bit of science asap haha and nigahiga or more girly gurus videos what a way to live!

Felt like nothing was achieved through years in life. Next is making life choices that will change life forever. No turning back T~T better not make any more mistakes or else, life is ruined :S

Dont know when is the next post. See how life goes on hahaa. Hopefully next time posting will be full of :) instead of worries and fears.