Bon Voyage
Chapter 1
Announcement
"MinEn: Congrats oh @buxsy @yiijing! 🎇"
A notification popped out of the blue and my phone buzzed.
I wonder what it was, why is she congratulating me and YJ for no reason. Then another screenshot appeared.
On the list of 20 people, 4 familiar names appeared. Kit Wing, Yi Fan, Yii Jing, and mine. I couldn't believe my eyes and looked down the list, again and again, searching for two names. To my disappointment, their names were not found. As the student council of MBT, not even Asther could be shortlisted. And for Tuck Hou, it has always been the name in my head, no matter where I go.
I was supposed to be feeling lucky and grateful that I got into the selection for the voyage. Sounds so great, where all of it was sponsored and the only thing to pay was the visa and the expenses on food in Xiamen, China. But every "Congratulations" that came to my ears sting and felt like grains of salt on my wound. At first, it sounded ridiculous to me, how only four Malaysian students got selected. And already imagining going for it without having familiar faces by my side, it stirred up a storm in me. I was shielded by anxiety and fear, worrying about the voyage from that moment onwards. Each word which meant to congratulate me turned into a shower of guilt and felt like acid on my skin.
I know, I sound like a total bitch here. Everyone came to me to have these words echoing in my mind. "You're so lucky!" "Who could even get this kind of chance?!" "You must be so smart and lucky to be selected! I bet you're outstanding to even outcompete the hundred people who applied" All of these to convince me that I was the luckiest person in the world, but yet the weight of the worry and fear kept tearing me apart.
I couldn't deal with the stress of being guilty and shameful. And so I waved them with some "Thank you"s and the jokes about Titanic.
Oh and unable to even talk to Tuckhou, cause it felt so so guilty and stupid to complain at him, I had to tell someone about it. I told Yuan Zheng, my son.
Chapter 2
Briefing
As I kind of ignored how I felt throughout the semester... it hit me hard when I had to attend a briefing about the voyage. Wechat groups, PDFs, instructions, forms, and all the shit came at once. It felt like reality pinched me in the ass while staring at the slides in Biology Lab 2. And for the others, they are attending the summer camp which all the dates coincidentally not clash at all with the voyage. That got me into a whirlpool of emotions... I was already sad thinking about how I would be separated from them and they could all go like it was a class trip. As if it couldn't be more obvious, this highlighted the huge gap and difference I see between us. I never found peace ever since. It was like a punishment to watch us go different ways, faster.
I was drowning in jealousy and all I could do was isolate myself. Each passing day meant the day of separation would come closer. I felt like I was counting down the days til the end of the world. Waiting for death, it was an innate thing in me to push away and run away before anyone leaves me.
Chapter 3
Saying Goodbye to Him
It was after the finals and he was packing stuff before we went out to eat. Everything felt like it was the last time. Last meal, last picture, last date, last smile, last breath, last trip in the car, etc. Every word echoed a "goodbye" in my head. Each time I looked I kept thinking it was my last time seeing his face. It was such a hard thing to do, preparing yourself and watching someone leave bit by bit. No matter how heavy-hearted you feel, no matter how much you love the sunshine, the sun will set eventually. No matter how bad I felt, or how hard it was for me, he will eventually leave.
So the day came and we had the last Mcdonald's breakfast, and I sent him off for Summer Camp on the bus, waving a last goodbye.
I watched the bus leaving from my room windows.
Another goodbye waved.
Then, the day continued with me being "social" (but I faked it). I was definitely not feeling so good honestly, but I had to fake it til I make it. Smiling while being crushed inside now became my expertise.
Thank goodness, Emily was such a great coordinator. She had us playing games, learning the little social skills which transform you from an awkward caterpillar into a social butterfly. Legit, she is the expert.
Chapter 4
Open Days
Training, intensively, for the 3 days onwards was a major distraction from what I was feeling. My brain was filled with clean lab interpretation, and a picture of the vessel.
The day before the Open Day, we got onto the TKK research vessel for a trip and rehearsal.
Being on the vessel the first day, it felt like reality gave me a big slap on my face.
Tight spaces suffocate me and it raised so much resistance in me.
That night, I was so so so overwhelmed. I cried when Min Yee came to pick me up to go for mamak supper. I cried when I got back and packed my luggage. I didn't tell Tuckhou what was happening cause me being me I assumed he won't care anyway and it was my own problem to deal with. I felt like running away and never come back. I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling and thinking of how bad it would be. All the worst-case scenarios replayed in my mind. I can't sleep with the storm stirring up in my head.
There goes in the dark, a rectangular-shaped glow on my face full of tears, and constant 5-second sobs lit the night. My fingers tapped and tapped, and a long-ass essay appeared and I hit send. "Goodnight and rest well", my sarcastic ass text followed and suddenly he freaking texted back with a HI.
Okay first of all, what the hell, you interrupted my self-hating, self-harming habit. And second of all, I was not brave enough to face the consequence of my words. And after that, I purposely did not answer his calls. and then i was too tired to care and i picked up.
A bunch of words echoed through the phone and to that last voice I fell asleep from being too tired.
**********
Then, it was the actual Open Day! It was a hectic day, and quite hard to bear with. People were so excited to see the vessel, taking photos and stuff. Min Yee, Ms Laila, Mr Potter and Mr Ku and Rafizal came. Familiar faces, which I was so excited to see. It made that day much better.
Then, my parents came also, which they went back to XMUM to get my car, couldn't start it and had to jumpstart with some strangers help and had to refill petrol and ALL THAT MAFAN!!!! so I was pretty much touched af. Emily allowed me to take my parents on the tour and it was one of the most heartfelt gestures from her. (Thank you EMILY I LOVE YOU)
(honestly, idk how to rotate photos)
Nester pretty much entertained me on the bus rides. (thanks nester!) with his MEMES and Gordon Ramsay shits. It felt relevant in the way that he was Zoey-less and I was Tuckhou-less lmao
Side note; I could name these people in my blog just because NOBODY READ MY BLOG! like i could probably say all the secrets and not get caught.
Okay we had some meals on board. and they look like prisoner food.
Second open day, I was interpreter during the first shift.
Little experiment on salt dependent density.
and Ms Kung came to see me!!!
and so the second open day ended. Emily said bye and left. I went back and repacked my luggage.
Chapter 5
The 10-Day Voyage
On 19th of August (my mummy's birthday as well), we went to the same port and departed.
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| Safety boots for everyone to wear (and must wear) |
The following days were filled with stuffs so I'll just randomly put them here.
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| Random sunset #1 |
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| Random Sunset #2 |
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| Random Sunset #3 |
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| SEAFOAM!!!!!!! |
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| Birdie on board! :) I got too close and scared it away oof. |
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| Fixing the benthic trawler net (Photo credits to Dr Song Xikun) ( HE's really good in taking photos) |
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| Trying on the immersion suit (Do you have kids size?!!!!, also photo credits to Dr Song) |
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Chicken feet valley where we are gonna have sampling
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| someone caught squid!! |
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| Two squids from that night, which the crew gave us and we cooked in the microwave |
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| Michael, Dr Teoh and Dr Stephan |
Sediment sample smear slide - minerals??
benthic foraminifera (leaf shaped)
Super cute Yiijing, Kitwing and Rucha with their Dr Dre headphones
Lifesaver- Maggi Kari Laksa Ayam
Okay this was amazing cause i kept puking from the seasickness throughout the trip and ...
THIS WAS AMAZING ! and everyone loved it.
I love it.
Screenshots of the location
There was a day where seagulls or smth kept flying and pooping around the ship
one of my best photos hehe
Group OOF and Lichuen (the lao gonggong)
We had tea in the captain's office lmao (this was us laughing so hard at memes in the groupchat) (content hidden cause we'd die if lecturers see it)
Photoshoot in the sunset
aesthetics right. that's me blocking the sunset, thank you
(Thanks Lichuen for the photo)
Singing School Anthem onboard was ... an experience.
so much dumplings. We made them all together during the second last day on board
Last meal on board!
Other than that, we saw the milky way at night
Puked all over and everywhere with the trash bags
I want to thank my puke buddy, Rucha for always supporting me.
I wanna thank Kitwing for always being chill as the roomie
Thanks to Yiijing for always taking care of us
Thanks to Nester for keeping the memes alive and taking the lead
and alot more people (maybe later)
photo with captain
Last photo on board! Dr Teoh is super cute.
the port in Xiamen. (dirty waters) hoho
final look of the ship before we head to Xiang'an.
Side note: I missed out the photos of Conference room, medical bay (which i spent a night in cause i was puking too much), mess hall and stories of the missing cup, all the decks and basically we explored almost the entire ship with us running around like crazy kids.
Chapter 6
Days in Xiang'an Campus
We stayed in the hotel nearby the campus. The bathroom was HALF TRANSPARENT. (hint; sexy time!)
One good drink!
Stone pot fish
Strawberry Cheese drink HOHO SUGAR
TSING DAO BEER and Shaokao
Haidilao hotpot!! guess who's birthday was it!!!!
Zhongsan Street
Xiamen Uni Xiang'an Campus East Gate
midnight bike rides (xiaohuangs were stolen)
Crab from benthic trawling
Zooplanktons
Zooplanktons again
Freaking zooplanktons!!
SUN FLOATING PLANKTON haha okay its a phytoplankton (NESTER"S NIGHTMARE)
Dr Song and the little photo studio
Dr Teoh focusing on layout of the mantis shrimp
IDK WHAT IS THIS
Separating the animals by type
we walked in to surprise him for his birthday but we got surprised instead.
Rock specimen but i thought it was pork belly
it was a mantis shrimp's tail. WE IDENTIFIED IT!!
group photo with EMILY!!!
Malaysians... Unite! (Hari Merdeka eh)
最爱的就是你
super low toned qiezi
Last roomie photo
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| mandatory pre-flight snaps |
looking out my window
and saying good bye to Xiamen
Last photos together at KLIA
Chapter 7
The Day I Got Home
Grabbed back to campus, and carried that heavy heavy luggage back to my hostel and IT WAS HOT. I took a shower and I stepped out into my room with another person in it, waiting for me. It was so good to see him again. And he gave me tons of souvenirs HAHA. and brought me out to do laundry and had Heycha and we head back to Puchong.
Dinner-ed at Kairui's friend's mom's shop selling Banmee and he dropped me back home which was so nice. Xinkule my babe. Drove all the way from KL to Sepang and to Puchong and to KL.
All in all, it was an eye-opening experience. I got to know new friends and it was not as bad as i thought despite the seasickness and having only 1-2 hours of sleep during sampling times and puking half the voyage was worth when we got to see the milky way so clearly and shooting stars and being able to just experience was amazing. I had no more words to describe how it felt. It was the people, and not the circumstances
It really hits me hard that it depends on my mindset and attitude. I guess it challenged me to grow and to be open as there are so much more to see, to explore and to experience.
It could've gone to waste if I had focused only on the bad sides.
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