It takes oceans and mountains to deal with this

Yknow it just feels like I can't do anything right

I can't even take care of a newly purchased item

I cant even take care of myself

I can't even take care of my emotions

I can't take care of my relationship with anyone
My family
My friends
My bf

I know clearly that the only thing constant in this world is change. Every single thing in this world is subjected to change is prone to changes

Our feelings for someone changes. Someone's feelings for us would change.
People change
Times change
Eras change
The earth changes

Everything changes

You can be excited for an event all you want
And it can changes into nothing seconds before it starts

You can be all hopeful seeing someone after a long time
And he/she can bail and call it off minutes before you meet him/her.

You might have poured out your heart and soul into someone
And no matter how much he /she seemed to care about you or show their concern
It may change
One day you find yourself speaking to someone cold as ice even if he was burning with passionate fire previously

Change is a well known fact and something you expect

Somehow
I couldn't accept and I'm paralyzed the moment something changes
Falls out of place
I don't know what to do
When someone says
"next time ,sorry! "
"Can't make it, you gotta go alone"
"Ei sorry I can't meet you already, someone else suddenly had a plan with me"

And the pain of disappointment hits like a wave
And all of it stems from expectations

Is it wrong that I expect to see you
When you told me to meet and even said "see you later"?

Is it wrong that I felt something when I told you, "I'm here!"
And 30 minutes later  you replied "hey sorry for the late, I don't think I'll be seeing you , can we make it next time?"

Is it wrong for me to feel that I wasted my effort to meet you, I put too much enthusiasm, even though when things are not your fault or my fault I feel guilty about it

Am I the only one who feels this way
Am I alone to fight through these feelings
Am I the sole soul that is being hyper sensitive
Just because I feel something, because I care about it and because I cant let go easily

I just don't want my feelings to be some one else's burden or inconvenience

But I can't find a way to deal with it on my own either

If I don't listen to myself when my heart is breaking
If I don't deal with myself when my tears are falling
If I don't talk to myself when I needed to express

Who will?

Who in this big wide world would want to listen or to care when this is  how difficult I am?

Who would want to take a burden damaged beyond repair?

I'm emotional, frustrated, defensive because I have been there and not even myself could deal with it. Who would want to be near a monster anyway?

Maybe I can't even heal by the time I die.