b.x.

How do you tell somebody that you're not feeling okay?  When you're constantly being told that you are too sad, too depressed, worrying too much, having too much of negativity, living in fear and anxiety.... You find yourself repeating the same pattern, stuck in the same cycle , realizing that sharing about it and pouring it out won't help. In those moments it felt like everything was taken away from you. The ability to feel happiness, or sadness just turns into numb in your fingers and toes and even in your heart. As if you lost all your senses to taste anything. The previous anxiety robbed you off the joy in things you used to enjoy or feel happy doing.  After that, all you feel is just reluctancy to even say a word. You want to shout and scream but if that doesn't make anything better, why bother trying? Anyone ask you how are you and you're afraid to disappoint people with your truth and what's on your mind, so you just smile and say it's fine. Being s

We live in a world where love is about bodies slammed upon bodies. In this era of social media, love is tagging each other on pictures, love is about sending each other memes, laughing at cute animal videos, watching movies together. Love is about stripping naked, undressing each other and dive right into the bed and touching each other beneath the covers. Love is about going on fancy dinners while each others' faces are lit up from the lights of the never ending Instagram feed on our smartphones. Love is sending snaps, posts, stories, texts back and forth. Love is about video calling and taking screenshots, just being there "with" each other. Love is about holding each others' hands in public then grabbing our own phones whilst nobody is looking.  How would you describe love? Some say it is just a feeling, an emotion. Some say it is the meaning of life, and without it, there is no purpose to live. Some say that it is just an ideology for commercial pu

Yknow it just feels like I can't do anything right I can't even take care of a newly purchased item I cant even take care of myself I can't even take care of my emotions I can't take care of my relationship with anyone My family My friends My bf I know clearly that the only thing constant in this world is change. Every single thing in this world is subjected to change is prone to changes Our feelings for someone changes. Someone's feelings for us would change. People change Times change Eras change The earth changes Everything changes You can be excited for an event all you want And it can changes into nothing seconds before it starts You can be all hopeful seeing someone after a long time And he/she can bail and call it off minutes before you meet him/her. You might have poured out your heart and soul into someone And no matter how much he /she seemed to care about you or show their concern It may change One day you find yourself speaking to s

Chapter 1  Announcement "MinEn: Congrats oh @buxsy @yiijing! 🎇" A notification popped out of the blue and my phone buzzed. I wonder what it was, why is she congratulating me and YJ for no reason. Then another screenshot appeared.  On the list of 20 people, 4 familiar names appeared. Kit Wing, Yi Fan, Yii Jing, and mine. I couldn't believe my eyes and looked down the list, again and again, searching for two names. To my disappointment, their names were not found. As the student council of MBT, not even Asther could be shortlisted. And for Tuck Hou, it has always been the name in my head, no matter where I go.  I was supposed to be feeling lucky and grateful that I got into the selection for the voyage. Sounds so great, where all of it was sponsored and the only thing to pay was the visa and the expenses on food in Xiamen, China. But every "Congratulations" that came to my ears sting and felt like grains of salt on my wound. At first, it soun